I’m posting this as an example of why you might tag a post here as a “Long Read,” and also to share how I struggle with anxiety and depression.
My story is likely similar to many others. I come from a fortunate, “normal,” middle class family. I’m one of four children. The youngest. My family has always been somewhat religious. I mean, my parents still go to church every Sunday. I do not. I parted ways with the church. Yeah, I’m one of those people. I could go into more detail on that maybe in a future post.
I wasn’t abused. Well, not physically. My parents were very loving and very protective. They worried about us kids a lot. I assume part of my anxiety is simply hereditary. They worry, I worry, maybe my kids will be worriers too.
What I’m getting at is, I had a pretty normal upbringing and so I have no reason to be anxious all the time and semi-annually depressed. My current situation in life is very fortunate. I have a family of my own now, job, and a roof over my head. Plus, I’m fortunate enough to be able to do things like pay for this website.
So, what’s my problem? Well, that’s the million dollar question. It’s my brain. My brain tells me to be anxious about almost everything. Everyday I wake up anxious and I sometimes go to bed anxious. Simple tasks at work probably take me a little longer, and cause me to exert a lot more energy than most people. For example, after just one meeting where I have to do some or most of the talking, I’m physically exhausted afterwards. Big time. Because of all the anxiety before, during, and after it.
It’s pretty constant. I’m anxious right now.
All of my anxiety then leads into depression. I’ve been extra depressed the past few days. So many times I just want to give up. Not kill myself. Although, I’ve had that thought. But more like give up by quitting my job. Or something like that.
Now, I have no way to prove this I guess, but, I’m not lazy. People confuse not wanting to go to work and depression with laziness. I work really hard. I’m actually taken advantage of a little because I’ll say yes to everything I’m asked to do at work. At home I clean a lot (might have O.C.D.), and do all the yard work. I’m not lazy. But, I hate going to work because it hurts. The anxiety is probably literally killing me. It’s got to be shortening my lifespan. It’s a lot for my heart and body.
Going back to my childhood. The only thing I can think of besides genetics that could have contributed to my anxiety and depression is we moved around a lot, my siblings did all the talking for me, and my parents were so strict that I didn’t get to hang out with other kids much. We also lived in rural areas without any neighbors with kids my age.
I’ve tried a little therapy. I probably should try more. I take medication; Zoloft to be exact. And, I want to start meditating more. For a while I was meditating consistently and it helped; I think. So, besides creating this place, another goal I have is to meditate daily.
That’s my story. My “Long Read.” What’s yours? Oh, and don’t reply here with your story, create a new discussion and use the "Long Read" tag. But, feel free to reply with comments. 🙂